Forgiveness heals
In the midst of a conversation with a close friend yesterday, I heard words come out of her mouth that instantly stung me. They touched a place deep inside that shook my moment and I felt what I thought at the time was a protective wall fall all around me. I went from feeling safe to very vulnerable and alone in one breath. She could not take them back and I sat there sinking deeper into a state of disbelief and sadness and instant exhaustion. I asked her to leave and while she stayed and continued to speak and explain her own pain I stared at the ground and the room around me and focused on my breath, I heard her words, yet I was more deeply focused on each new breath. Somewhere deep inside me, I felt that asking her to go was a request from my pain and not my heart, I felt a sense of surrender and continued to sit in silence.
After a time we both sat in silence and I heard the words in my mind I had heard a spiritual teacher say recently, “healing requires forgiveness”. After about 10-15 minutes I felt very calm and light and her words were gone, I no longer felt tired, I stood up and went to her and said “everything will work itself out.” I went to sleep and between that time of feeling light and now, it’s my guess that being present with my pain and not identifying with it or going deeper into the story of what her words meant to me, dissolved them. The wall I felt around me was of pain, not protection, I see that now and it too had disappeared. I have an abundance of gratitude today for my spiritual practices which are cumulative and they showed me the fruits of my dedication to them yesterday when I was able to remain present with my breath as my anchor, my heart my guide as I walked through moments of challenge.
What I learned from this lesson was that I am able to forgive and in doing so, I can build a stronger relationship and that forgiveness does in fact heal. While further discussions may come in the future forgiveness has opened my heart to the truth that I can choose to feel safe no matter what and has reminded me, I would rather feel happy and light and compassionate than be stuck in dark hatred, finger pointing and anger, which is a prison of negativity. Choosing to forgive only takes a little bit of courage mixed with a desire to feel more love, it is a gateway to a healthier, happier more fulfilling existence. Lastly, we can never move forward in anyway that is authentically deeper within ourselves or our relationships with others, if we are not able to forgive both us and them. I highly recommend the free you tube vidio “why people don’t heal” by Caroline Myss, world renowned medical intuitive. Today I am grateful for all that comes onto my path and my practices that constantly remind me to turn towards forgiveness and deeper healing.