True listening

Life will change on a dime with no advance warning. Today I am grateful to re-learn freshly that holding my space (for myself) is more valuable than I’d remembered. It means taking care of me, so that my inner worlds flourishes and feels safe, even while my emotional world battles. For me this means ‘remembering’ to arrive in the present moment, when all else around me may appear like it is crumbling, and take the seat as the ‘watcher’, choosing to believe, that this too shall pass and of course it always does and whether we choose to be the witness or take some other path is also a vital decision. As I sit in meditation this morning, I see that to the degree I hold my own space (a good vibration), speaks to whether I am either creating heaven or hell on this earth, for myself and those I surround myself with. Some people do not have the choice but to be affected by my vibration, that is non negotiable, everything is energy and it all resonates at a vibration. We are around people all the time, where we work, our social lives, etc and if we are not mindful of our inner state of being, we are polluting their world when we come close to them. It is an illusion and no more than a game, if we think we can put a good face on, play a role, say words and act them out, they are no more than a cover and a waste of vital energy at that. Energy is felt and while you may not see it, it is not contained only in your body, it moves out to others, which is why you affect others by how you feel, the truth can always be felt, it’s real, what we cannot see and touch, but only feel is what is most real about this human experience. We are all so keen to tell our story to someone about what pissed us off today and we rehearse it in our head on our way to work and at first chance someone looks our way, we are off letting our shit rip and then once we have let it all out, we say “oh well, whatever” and then laugh and walk off. What really just happened there, is that we dumped a bunch of our heavy dark energy onto someone else, it’s a small release at best and then we most likely continue to stew and let the energy build again and dump on someone else later in the day and on it goes, how productive! What if we took a moment within ourselves before we came to work or in our car after we parked and decided to surrender our shit, even if just for the day, while at work for our own and others well being?

In my first yoga teacher training, I remember a fellow student came in and was obviously quite distraught about something and our teacher said to her “you have a storm going on in your mind.” Hard as I am sure it must have been for this girl, our teacher used her as an example of holding our own space, not just for ourselves but for our students. After 14 years of teaching, I have had countless upsets and then had to walk in and face a room full of students. While I admit fully and completely, I have been frustrated with myself countless times when faced with the same issue, I have over time, discovered better ways to cope. First, forgiving myself for however I feel, and consciously softening within, telling myself it’s alright and remembering that if something has shown up again, I have more work to do. Surrendering fully what happened, how I feel is vital to be able to learn or move on. Those I surround myself with are my biggest teachers, they show me where I need to heal. Second, I continue with my yoga and sitting practices, they are needed most when I struggle, that is why I have them and continue to be committed to them, they teach me again and again, the value and benefit of awareness that accumulates during my practice time, which without, would be hard to remember to hold my space.